Whenever I accomplish something, or have a rough day, or just feel like having someone to talk to who will actually listen, I always find myself about to text or call you. Moments later though, I remember that I can’t do that anymore. You’re not there to share my life with anymore. You’re not there.
— I miss you horribly // a.m.m, 5:55am
One day I feel empty. Feeling nothing. People tell me whats on their mind; why they’re worried about me. But I don’t get it. I don’t feel anything. I can’t pity noone. I can’t understand their emotions at all.
The other day I feel everything ten times stronger. Every emotion at once. I want to cry, I want to die, I want to scream. But at the same time I want to party to forget it all.
And then there’s days like these. Where I lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling. Feeling nothing at all. Empty. Wondering why. And at the same time feeling my heart break. Feeling my hope fade. Wanting to die. To dissapear. How is it possible? To feel every emotion so strongly at once and at the same time beeing completly
e m p t y
You said you never wanted to see me get hurt but you ended up being the one who hurt me in the end
— you broke all of your promises // a.m.m, 3:37am
I regret a lot of things in my life and leaving you was definitely one of them. You were the best person anyone could have in their life, you were there for me during my worst and some of my best. I hate myself for screwing you over and for treating you so badly. I miss you and i miss us. I miss the late nights and all the inside jokes. I miss the random drives and how we would discuss our fantasies. I wish i could turn back time. I knew everything was going astray and it was all my fault. All of it. I let multiple people tell me things and let me believe lies and in all honesty they were shit people. They manipulated me and i let it happen. I feel so stupid. I let the best thing go and all i can say is im sorry. I hope your doing well right now. I hope that life is working out for you and your doing what you love, that all your dreams are coming true. I hope your beating that depression still and anything else you might be feeling. I hope that your healthy and happy, that your surrounded by better people and better friends. You deserve nothing but the best. I still love and care about you. And again im so sorry. Im sorry im so shitty. Please be well and happy.
